Good Relationships
The one positive parenting suggestion I have is that from time to time we should take stock of what we want to achieve as parents and then make sure we put these ideas into practice. I do not believe that a parenting newsletter should give you a 10 step plan on how to be a great parent. It's not my plan that is of value to you, but rather your own plan founded in your own culture, ideas, religion and values. They say too many cooks spoil the broth. I think that 2 cooks in your family is more than enough. So moms and dads don't let anyone else spoil your broth. If the mother-in-law is offering you advice which you don't agree with, then ignore it. If the teacher or school you have sent your kids too doesn't suit your child, move him. As a parent you will mature in your ideas, and they will change as your child grows up. So don't be scared of putting YOUR ideas into practice. Parenting requires great courage.
So if you aren't going to listen to every tit-bit of advice offered to you, how do you figure out what is important? How do you make an impact in your child's life with a minimum of time and resources? In life there are universal truths which we can practise to build good healthy relationships. The foundation of all parenting is based on good relationships. Parents get side tracked into thinking that parenting is about looking after children, or providing for them. Parents feel they have to work hard to provide opportunities or wealth so that they can give their kids the sort of life they never had. Is that what your child really wants? Spend an hour with any child and you will quickly realise that a child wants you. That's why parenting is so exhausting. You can't parent effectively unless you are living in the moment.
Is my assumption true - that all a child wants is time with their parents? Think back to your childhood. Do you regret the presents that you didn't get? Are you angry because your parents didn't take you on an overseas trip or because they didn't buy you a brand new car in matric. No! what you really resent is more likely to be how hard your parents worked and how tired they often were. You probably regret never really getting to know your parents well, and that although you loved and admired your father you never really knew him. How many of us received so much love and attention from our parents that we grew up to be the most confidence person we could be? People I meet tend to say the opposite, they mostly admit that they have self esteem issues which effected their happiness, their career paths and their bad choice of life partner.
Given the chance I am sure many of you still wish you had spent more positive time with your parents. There is little one can do to fix the past, and we can't blame our parents. Most of them did the best they could in their circumstances. Let us take that forward into our children's future happiness. Let us use the wisdom of hindsight and admit that it is time and attention our children really long for and need.
How do we ensure that our children know we love them? We can do this by building self esteem (positive self-regard). Children who are happy generally have good self esteem. Children with good self esteem do better at school and in their relationships. Children who have good relationships and a healthy self regard grow into teenagers who make better choices especially when it comes to drugs, sex and alcohol. The benefits of a healthy self regard are endless.
How do can you foster self esteem in kids? You can start by reading an article on our website Click here if you want to read further.
By Jill Murray
