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I spent my holiday at home this year with my kids. My son turns 21 this month, my daughter is off to a local university, and my “little” one is headed into Grade 11.  It’s a bit mind blowing for me to realize that I am probably not going to be able to refer to my offspring as “the kids” for much longer.

I must just tell you that parenting never ends. I had thought that maybe it was just me who was still so involved in my kids lives.

I am divorced and I always look around and think everyone else’s life is so different to mine. Everyone else’s life always looks so perfect. Also because my business involves parenting, I take parenting very seriously. But I was quite relieved the other day, while chatting in the dentist’s reception, a much older parent told me his “kids” (in their 30’s) still need his support.

This holiday was particularly hectic for me emotionally in terms of parenting. I waved goodbye to my daughter at the airport after matric. She was leaving for her first vac holiday on her own. She and a group of friends went to KZN for 10 days. They organized and paid for the trip themselves and there were no adults with them. This is what matric students do! And nothing prepares you for the experience.

I can recall every goodbye I had experienced with my kids – their first sleep over, when they left for camp, every kiss and hug before hospital visits and surgery. But this goodbye was one of the hardest for me. I wondered how she was going to manage on her own. Should I try and set some rules? Should I warn her (for the umpteenth time) about the dangers of drinking, driving etc? She is not a pampered girl, nor has she led a completely sheltered life. I felt she was relatively prepared for the experience. I decided that all I could do is set her free.

We agreed that we would contact each other by sms every 3 days or so. And I hoped for the best. I had chatted to other moms and realized we all shared the same fears. So, as I waved goodbye, I recollected for the thousandth time that parenting was hard and nothing and no one ever prepares you for any of it.

Well, the good news was that she smsed me when the plane landed and when they reached the place they were staying. A few nights later they planned to travel to Durban and go to a rave and she smsed to say that she just felt she should let me know. I was surprised and amazed at the same time. My daughter had  all the freedom in the world but she still wanted to make contact. My heart swelled with pleasure and I realized that I must have done something right in the past 18 years.

When she came home I was very relieved, but also happy to see some positive changes. She said that one of the high lights of her trip away was shopping with a trolley and paying on her own, doing her own laundry and realizing that it’s not so hard, but it’s not much fun, and she learnt that just because you have freedom it doesn’t mean that you are free.

I guess that my message at the end of all of this is that it’s not the big decisions that you make that  effect your life, but the way you handle them. Does it really matter if your kid gets A’s, B’s or C’s? No, what is important is the relationship that you have with him. Is it important if your kid pierces her nose, or if your son gets into trouble at school for not doing homework? No, it’s not that important. What’s important is that you spend time with and share life on an authentic level with the people in your life.

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