Kids News

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Mothers Day 2011

After a long week I thought I would take the opportunity this Sunday to have a lie in. No such luck, those Mother's Day sms's woke me up bright and early. Although this was bad news for me, younger mothers will take delight in the knowledge that someday children sleep in long past their parents.

After reading a few of the mothers day sms's I got to thinking about mothers. After my contemplations I decided that every mother deserves a "graduation for life' certificate. On the certificate there would be a list of all the tasks learned, performed and accomplished successfully while being a mother. I also thought how great it would be if you could buy a mothers kit which contains all the supplies and essentials a mom needs during her lifetime of parenting.

I have decided to share with you the short list of my mothering accomplishments:

Cooking - I have learned with no formal training what so ever to be the greatest cook - my kids swear that I make the best pizza eva !

Household management - I have basic electrical and plumbing skills for all after hour emergencies.

Emergency Services - These I learned first hand when I rescued our belongings from a flood stricken caravan park while on holiday. This experience included wading through thigh high water for 500m and then returning with essential clothing and toiletries, as well as a selection of soft toys and other beloved items piled on my head and shoulders.

Sewing - My skills include fixing, making, patching, knitting and I can competently teach children these same skills while making supper.

Machine assembly, operation & mending - including - lawn mowers, hand held drill, weed eater, soldering iron, hair straightener, jump start & change tyres of various makes of cars, installation of car seats, installation of software and hardware for computers, laptops, cellphones and all versions of play stations.

Lock Smith & gymnastic skills - I have climbed through various windows when keys are left inside the house and holiday flat. I can climb and fetch soft toys and balls thrown on the roof and in trees. I can open doors of all kinds when kids have locked themselves in rooms/cars.

Negotiating skills - I have successfully mastered the art of communicating effectively with - teachers, principals, unhappy neighbours, grandparents, daughters ex-boyfriends and daughters ex-friends parents, and more recently - stray teenage boys found on the couch.

Carpentry - The skills I have acquired have come in handy especially for school projects. Who knew that a mom needs to know about the different types of wood, screws, nails, paint, undercoats, glue and their uses?

Dentistry - This is a great skill to have, especially if your child ever needs to have braces. Moms should have a set of orthodontic pliers to cut off bits of wire that break and poke gums over the Easter weekend. I have no idea where to buy these pliers but the orthodontist seemed very surprised that I didn't have them. He also couldn't understand why I didn't use normal pliers. Funny man!!!! He has obviously not seen the look on a 13 year old girls face when her mom approached her with a pair of household pliers and said "open wide".

Cleaning - I can remove any stain from any surface including permanent marker from my son's best friends face, stains from clothing (theirs & mine), carpets, walls, floors, ceilings, mattresses, dogs, cats, shoes and homework.

Vet, animal handler, animal mortician & funeral service provider - Moms learn how to look after a wide variety of pets - snakes, hamsters, dogs, cats, rabbits, horses, lizards, and even their children's virtual pets. Moms learn the life cycles of many types of animals and eventually also experience the grisly aspect of dealing with the dearly departed.

Medicine and Nursing - I can tell if a child has a fever just by looking at them (who needs a thermometer, just check out their eyes). I can diagnose a multitude of rashes, prescribe the correct over-the-counter medicines for a variety of illnesses, patch up and dress wounds, remove stitches, watch over and nurse various children, separately and at the same time, and not all of them my own.

Counseling and psychological advice - I am great at that too. I learned how to deal with and help pre-verbal children with tantrums, silently listened to other moms giving me advice when they only had one child (a girl), and I heard about all types of friendship difficulties at primary school. I found out during those teenage years how to listen and not offer any advice at all because "Mom, you don't understand". And the hardest of all - l can let my child make his own mistakes, knowing that it is going to hurt me too!!!

Hairdressing skills - I can do this!! I have learned how to watch a teen dye her hair a multitude of colours, and the following week help her dye it black again for school. I can also fix up a bad do-it-your-self-toddler-who-cut-his-brothers-hair-mistakes, and more...

Patience - This is the one that I should emphasise the most. I know that I had loads of it before I had kids and now I find that I often have very little.

I think every mom should think about their achievements, then pat themselves on the back and say "well done".


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